utopia: like disturbia, but less disturbed

in a utopian society, instructions in public restrooms on how to wash your hands would not exist.

same goes for bars of soap. and peanut butter & jelly in the same jar.

and green ketchup.

and boring people.

and guys who whistle at you because you're somewhat physically appealing. or people who honk at you because they know you or recognize you or just get joy out of giving you a casual heart attack while you're on your morning run.

and people who don't comprehend sarcasm. [this is not sarcasm.]

and anime. [it's the cockroach of television; it just. won't. die.]

and people who don't use grammar & the english language correctly. [this, of course, does not apply to me. i am an english major and am therefore granted creative licence by shakespeare to anything written and non-written.]

and chocolate covered bacon. [and bacon covered chocolate. not sure if it exists, but it absolutely should not.]

and hangovers. and hangunders. [this is when you realize the next morning that you didn't drunk enough and everyone had more fun than you.]

and people who stop abruptly in the grocery store. and screaming children in the grocery store. and screaming children at restaurants.

and rainy days two days in a row. [one day is fine; two is just depressing. three? overkill. four? highly excessive. forty? okay god, that's called a power trip.]

and screaming children. [god bless my uterus.] [this is me praying for un-obnoxious children.]

and jeans/sweatshirts that are too tight and make you want to die.

and when your foot or arm falls asleep and you want to die.

and when you slam your fingers in the door and you want to die. [i know i already wrote a post about this; it's clearly a big issue for me.]

and eleven-year-old boys...  because they creep me out with their over-the-cute-stage and under-the-cool/normal-stage weirdness.

and traffic. [not but seriously, i'm worried that the brainhead nerds of this world have not created flying cars yet. quality stairlifts for the elderly and candy cigarettes for children and no flying cars for the disgruntled in-betweeners?! ludicrous.]

and 2:00-4:30 during the workday.

and the workday.

and the day. [JUST KIDDING, i'm not that miserable.]

and turduckens.

and people who are happy all the time... because they're just like that or they're on drugs. either way, it's not natural.

and religious weirdos.

and weirdos. [unless they're the artsy, intellectual type... like e.e. cummings. apparently he didn't capitalize anything?]

and upside-down roller coasters. [JUST KIDDING, again. but seriously, i love the heart-in-your-stomach feeling; makes me feel alive, like stepping on bubble wrap or wearing leopard leggings.]

and people who make lists about things they hate.

and irony. [that's ironic because i absolutely adore irony.]

and ironing.

moody mudra,

in full effect.